Sports 56 WHBlog Q

July 7, 2008

5th and 1

Filed under: Uncategorized — Andy Skrzat @ 10:21 pm

I hate ESPN. Don’t you? Let’s think about this: what other network could have its head so far up three cities’ backsides that it can’t navigate its way out?

The three cities being referenced are, of course, Dallas, Boston, and (everybody together now) New York. Being from Negadelphia, I obviously have some biases towards each; the Cowboys, the fans that don’t like their teams until they start to win, and New York is New York.

Now, before I go on about my original subject, let’s discuss each city and its downfalls in order, starting with Dallas.

Dallas sucks. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it. Not only is it wedged in a state whose residents expect credit for producing George W. Bush (not for or against him, but he’s from Connecticut), but it’s also a state more divided than Europe during WWII.

Even more obnoxious is how the Dallas Cowboys were labeled “America’s Team” during the 90’s and early 2000’s. Is this even remotely correct? After a short Google or Wikipedia search, one can discover that “Columbia’s Team” is a more appropriate title. Michael Irvin is the most notable blow user, but four other teammates were also found in possession of cocaine.

And where does Mr. Irvin work now? Oh! I know! On ESPN’s NFL Countdown. Hey, doesn’t Emmitt Smith work there too? Don’t even get me started on how Terrence Newman has been the only NFL player brought in to talk about his team this season.

Now to Boston. Red Sox, Patriots, and Celtics. All teams who are winning pretty regularly, minus the Sox as of late. However, any “fan nation” for which you have to pay to be a member, is 100% b.s.

Anyone in Memphis have to be a Tigers or Grizz fan?! Does anyone, anywhere else have to pay to be a fan? NO! And this whole publicity money making shinanigan didn’t start until AFTER the Red Sox won their first World Series after so many years that your Grandmother was wrinkle free and didn’t need Tupperware to keep her meds straight.

Another reason to hate Boston: Tom Brady and Bill Belichek. Should I continue?

Finally, New York. I throw up a bit in the back of my mouth whenever I think about this city. Mets pull off the most memorable collapse in recent baseball history last year (thanks Willie Randolph!) and can’t win this year after acquiring dominant ace Johan Santana.

Johan plus Pedro. I thought about this during the off season and pretty much chalked up the East to them. But, thanks to a lackluster first half, and a classy dismissal of firing Willie Randolph, the Mets sit in third place in the NL East, keeping above the Washington Nationals.

And, as if another reason is needed, the Yankees. Hank Steinbrenner, Derek Jeter, A-Rod. A loudmouth who doesn’t know when to shut up, a 30 year-old who makes 30 million a year and still wears gloves made by Asian workers, and a dude who cheats on his gorgeous wife with Madonna. End of story.

And, in brief, these are the cities ESPN is obsessed with. As mentioned, Terrence Newman is the only player of any team to come and discuss the upcoming season and, to kill two birds with one stone, a series between the 3rd place Yankees and 2nd place Red Sox was covered more than the true story, the Tampa Bay Rays.

Watch Fox Sports.

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