Sports 56 WHBlog Q

June 16, 2008

Mom….Dad…Adults….What Were yall thinking?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ed Lane @ 9:08 pm

The 80’s? At least I was born then and was 5 when this decade ended, but please all of you who are….oh….as old as Will Askew (who is 28 or 29 or something and is co-host of the Sports Bar, Monday thru Friday, 3-6PM) and certainly people as old as Greg Gaston (co-host of Middays, Monday thru Friday, 11AM-1PM), owe my brother David, and me an explanation for this time period, b/c we’ve been trying to figure out WHAT THE HELL YALL WERE THINKING ever since i visited him in Germany last December?

Take a look at the video:

This video pretty much summarizes all that was wrong with this decade. David and I used to think nothing of this song, other than a cheesy memory of our childhood. But then we listened to the lyrics, and wondered “did our parents really live consciously during this ENTIRE decade? On the surface, the song sounds like some absurdly sappy 80’s “hit.” OH, but it gets better folks. We came to the conclusion after hearing the description of the girl, who “slipped out of his arms….and out the door” of the old high school gym at the dance that the music video to this song had to be just awful. So David summoned me to “grab a beer, cause you’re gonna need it” and watch it on You Tube.

So in watching it, we formulated the following observations:

1.) The lyrics? Who wrote this? I know crack boomed in the 80s, but come on, all songs during this decade revolved around cheesy “love” themes. Just listen to the lyrics and you should either laugh, or cry (at the absrudity). Couldn’t yall think of SOMETHING different to write and “sing” about? Apparently not.

2.) The Hair. Folks. Again, come on. I know, “Come On” was used again, but it sounds like something you say to your little child who can’t seem to learn anything you teach it, which is appropriate because nobody learned from anything in this decade. The long, mulletish curly hair? Did it ever occur to yall to use straighteners. Did people cut hair during this period of time?

3.) The mustache with the hair. WOW. I didn’t think the bad hair could look worse, but clearly I was wrong.

4.) The hands. What’s with EVERY singer in the 80s clenching their hands to convey the “pain and agony” of the “love lost?” And actually using hands to mimic what they say (note the hand motion to show “Fell like a rock” and actually “showing” the “ring on her hand”)? You gotta be kidding me right.

5.) Back to the hair. Or the head. What’s with tossing the head and throwing that stuff around EVERY time something “emotional” comes up in the song (this happens EXCESSIVELY)? You don’t need to remind me how your hair could be used as a mop for a while, and these “emotions” dont bear repeating.

6.) What’s with wincing like someone just pulled your tonsils out with no sedatives? I know you felt ample pain when you have to remind us that your heart was wrenched out, but trust me (cause I know), you’d be in more pain if you just watched the video sober.

7.) The clothes. Why the pleather? Come on, and mixing it with vile shirts and those tight jeans? Did you people REALLY wear this? How did you tolerate yourselves? Was the mirror not invented until 1992? If it was, did it ever occur to yall to look at each other and realize “hey, something’s wrong here” and think about yourselves what Ali G once said to Kobe Bryant: “with all due respect, you look ridiculous.” Couldn’t you have at least just recycled some of those clothes from the sixties and seventies?

Appropriately, as “Hall” said at the end of the song “We’re living in a dream world.” Yeah, and it took yall a decade to wake up.


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